Michelle is a very giving person with many skills and talents. She finds herself saying "yes" anytime anyone asks her to use her skills or talents. The result is that she is constantly busy. She recognizes that her husband is frustrated with her being gone so much, but she is unsure about any effect it is having on her. After all, she is helping others, contributing to her community and using her talents, all laudable attributes. 

Through Rubenfeld Synergy, Michelle begins to recognize her internal signals for anxiety and for relaxation. The gentle touch that brings awareness helps her to experience a preference for being relaxed, and with encouragement, she learns to communicate with her body in such a way that she can begin to recognize her own internal signals for anxiety or stress. Together we practice possible responses to these early stress signals, and from within herself, Michelle gets clear messages about how she wants to interpret and deal with these signals. As she does this more and more, she notices feeling more calm and centered at the end of each session than she feels at the beginning.  

Over time, by increasing her awareness of her body's signal and their significance to her, Michelle decides which activities she is involved with that have value to her and which are more of a nuisance than a joy. In sessions, she experiences the effect on her of continuing activities that have little value to her. She recognizes that she is paying a toll in her life, sacrificing part of her life in the attempt to please others and meet their expectations, not her own.  

As she becomes clearer about making her own choices and the rightness of that, and then making her choices known to others, she discovers that sometimes what is a burden for her can actually be a joy for someone else. So that when she says an honest "I don’t want to do this anymore", someone else often says an enthusiastic "But, I do". Go figure! 

Michelle becomes skilled at knowing and honoring her own choices, considering requests before she answers yes or no, and trusting her body to inform her about the rightness of her decisions. As a result, her life feels more in balance and she has more time for herself and her marriage. Now she has the space to look at other aspects of her life that she would like to change. And she can approach these things with curiosity and confidence. 

This process was well underway for Michelle in 4 or 5 sessions of RSM at Healing Connections. Michelle chose to have her sessions every two weeks to begin with, so in 2-3 months she had made significant positive steps to having her life be more the way she wants it to be. Her results ARE typical, though she is anything but. Thank you "Michelle" for allowing me to share your story.

A Birds Eye View

What is your personal space style?

I love watching the birds that come to my feeders. And as I was watching them the other day, I was noticing how they interact. That's what reminded of the term "personal space" that refers to our individual comfort level with how close others come to us. We are often unaware of our reactions, and just react without thinking about it. So in an effort to bring awareness to this personal characteristic, lets look at what the birds do. 

One of my favorite birds is the goldfinch. Their voices and their dispositions are sweet. I love to watch how they change colors for winter, becoming a dull gray. And in spring they resume their bright yellow color, at least the males do. I've seen them eat dandelions, I think it helps with their color change, and it has given me a better attitude about those unwanted yellow flowers in the yard.  

Anyway, I have seen as many as 9 goldfinches on one feeder at a time, all busily helping themselves to the seeds. They feed quietly, and adjust their positions as other goldfinches get too close for comfort. But let a bigger bird, like a cardinal, or a more forceful bird, like a woodpecker, come near, and they all fly off. No other group of birds has this level of tolerance for nearness, even with birds of their own kind. House finches will visit in numbers, but they are constantly squawking and jockeying for position, poking their beaks, or flapping their wings to make more room for themselves. 

So what does that have to do with us?  

Each of us has a space around us, like the birds on my feeders. With some people, we are comfortable having them near. With others, we are only comfortable if there is a good amount of distance between us and them. We may take this information for granted, as I said before, just react without being aware of our reactions. But if we become aware of our responses within our personal space, we can gain valuable information about our true feelings towards ourselves and others. And how aware are we of the personal space needs of those we encounter?

Like the goldfinches, I am most comfortable around people who are much like I see myself, cooperative, more quiet than noisy, restful to be around. And when someone boisterous and loud is near, I tend to move away from them, at least until I learn more about who they are. Then I can negotiate my space. 

As you go about your day, imagine your personal space like an invisible bubble around you, and notice what happens to your bubble as you encounter the various people in your life. Are there people you want to be closer to, but that tend to keep distance from you? Are there people who insist on moving in too close for your comfort? How do you deal with these variations? What do you notice about them and about yourself in relationship to the variations in your bubble?  

As a touch therapist, I could take for granted that people who come to see me welcome me into their personal space. And clients often tell me that they feel safe when I am touching them. That, to me, is a great honor. So, I endeavor to sense and respect the personal space of all my clients, no matter which modality they are seeking.  

Touch is a very rich source of communication. When our personal spaces meet, we are truly touching one another. Isn't that amazing? We take it for granted, and so do the birds. After all, it just is! But maybe after reading this, you will have a new appreciation for your personal space, and that of others too. 

So, if you would like to explore this aspect of your self, I am here with beautiful, gentle Rubenfeld Synergy, or RSM, ready and willing to help you live in your personal space with greater comfort and understanding.  

OK, so it's not just for the birds!

          I remember the first time that I felt that fear, as I was heading into an RSM session. I had the sense that my body held some frightening information that I might not want to know, and certainly not to reveal, that there was a darkness in me, that what was unknown was best left that way.

          What I experienced was so much different than what I had imagined. My body was gentle with me, kind, slow to answer, giving me time to just listen. It gave me the gift of deeply visiting the strength of my foundation. I experienced my hips bones as white, strong and knowing how to move. I got off the table feeling loose and flexible in this base of support, feeling joy in the movement of my hips. I was almost disappointed that I had not had some startling revelation (those came later, when I was ready). My body, and my Synergist, seemed to know what I could handle.

          Even 5 years later, I can clearly recall this experience, the way you can clearly remember dreams of revelation. My subsequent experiences, and those of each and every person I have touched in this way, have confirmed that our bodies, though repositories of emotion and memory, are not interested in doing anything but revealing our goodness, supporting our growth at our own pace. They reveal our truth, setting us free from our own patterns of negativity. This experience is a delight and not a fright.